It's Not Me, It's You

January 28, 2013

In a world where social media has never been more prominent, the idea of actually getting out there and physically meeting someone is daunting. And even if you happened to have sped the “getting to know each other” process up with the use of Facebook, it also helps you to speed up the screening process. The whole debate of wondering with your friends what they *actually* look like; just how old is that favourite profile picture that makes a return several times? Sitting at the computer drinking the last of a corner shop bottle of red, several tabs open. One for profile pictures, one for tagged photos, (How else will you know how you feel if you haven’t seen the sly pictures their friends have uploaded with their head in a toilet), and if you’re feeling particularly brazen; you might be checking out their mother’s albums and enjoying their family trip to Majorca in August 2007. Generally as a rule, if they have prom photos from the last 18 months, they’re too young for you. Not to worry; you can still access their better looking (yet also available) sibling’s photos if need be.

The dating game is unfortunately something we all have to partake in after having our hearts trampled on (yet again) like Simba’s Dad in the The Lion King. 

After a particularly crushing break up, it takes a while to adjust back into life without them, or as your friends might call it “reality”. Whilst you are having your dozenth mental breakdown of the morning, it’s fair to say that the person you recently (or not so recently, in which case – move on!) broke up with, won’t be moping around. Imagine it like an American high school movie; as they break up for their summer holidays they throw their paperwork in the air to celebrate their freedom, everything they put effort and time into; it creates a mess but they aren't the ones cleaning it up. And there’s no use trying to compare yourself to the straggly looking bimbo he’s gone home with last night because chances are; you've put more thought into their encounter than he has. Now, this doesn't mean to say he won’t miss you from time to time, he might consider getting in contact for a catch up. Now, please bear in mind that whilst you’re shedding your snakeskin of personality trying to tailor yourself to fit his new requirements, he’s just texting you to see how you are. Men really are uncomplicated things, and that’s what makes it complicated. And it’s no use swearing off men and vowing to only date women from now on, because I know a few lesbians and it doesn't seem to be a walk in the park either. To fully make use of that statement you’d have to abstain from all affairs of the heart. And let’s face it; your (then) boyfriend bumpin’ uglies with some bird from Harlow is really not worth a life of abstinence.

It can be disconcerting to have to start all over again; it’s quite like being a newborn baby thrust out of the womb into cold reality and being spanked on the bottom by a man who hasn't even bought you a drink yet. When you start dating again it’s difficult to find the right balance, which parts of you to project out. Be too honest and you’ll find yourself crying into your seventh pint and vomiting in the street, then somehow finding it in you to make light of the situation by showing off the armpits you haven’t shaved since you were dumped three months ago. On the other extreme, you could be too casual about the dating game and find yourself the latest victim of the rumour mill at work. All because you managed to seduce the new guy before you could count the days he’d been with the company on two hands.

Now, it’s all fun and games until your lothario ex-boyfriend describes you as a “was Charlotte – now Samantha”, you see that’s probably when you know it’s time to stop. I suppose it could be worse. You could be my ex-boyfriend who’s just been outed as a Sex and the City fan.


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