No Man's Land

March 26, 2013
Google states that "No Man's Land" means land or area that is unowned, uninhabited, or undesirable. If we are going to compare this to ourselves, it means a stage of our life where it seems that nothing is going to plan. Out of a job, out of a relationship, the owner of an exceptionally pitiful social life, yet also lacking the motivation it would require to change any of these problems. Morrissey had it right when he said that "every day is like Sunday", I'm sure that even if you hadn't heard of the song (in which case - shame on you) you will be able to identify with this feeling. You fall into a tedious cycle, waking up just to go back to sleep (without the glamorous music career Dizzee Rascal has/had) and lounging on the sofa, drowning in ennui. Being influenced by sitcoms that stopped running about five years ago and becoming a Come Dine With Me connoisseur.

Making up for a lack of success in the romance department (and actual life itself) with regular debauchery and declarations of a carefree attitude that doesn't quite reach the tips of your fingers and toes. The corners of your mouth stained with the wine you drank to feed your ego. Unbuttoned purple lips singing unflattering words about our most cared for peers. It's not until you find yourself outside alone smoking your last cigarette that you begin to yearn for the life you really should be living. You promise yourself that you'll make a new start in the morning - apply for that (or any) job, begin a new fitness regime, or pack your bags and make your name in a different town. One sleepless night before a shift working at one of the most culturally diverse department stores in the country, I convinced my delirious self that I would definitely, utterly, and completely begin to learn Arabic in the morning. What else could make the vast majority of Middle Eastern customers feel at home than an arrogant white girl mispronouncing basic words from their native language? Yes, the plan was perfect. I think you'll be pleased to hear that I swiftly forgot about the project, it was shunned sleepily into the bureau of discarded adventures in my brain, the same place as the morning jog.

Every woman's subconscious spirit-animal in the form of Bridget Jones

I'm sure at least one of my readers will appreciate the irony of the title, not only am I in "no man's land" I'm also in the land of no men. Yes, sir - we have had a good run (4 posts, 2 months, and almost 4,000 views) but here is the inconceivable, inevitable point where I lose whatever dignity I have procured since becoming a proud independent woman, and begin drivelling on about how lonely I am. Blah, blah, blah. I won't torture you for too long, but every female (whether we brag about how well we are coping, or not) has experienced the unwanted pang of total desolate aloneness we feel when we are not appreciated in the way we would hope.

I am amongst the majority of girl-kind who has the ability (and has been known) to create a fantastic romance based solely upon the preconceived ideologies of the ideal man and words unsaid. The words that will never actually be said but are endlessly analysed amongst pools of girlfriends who are itching to begin unlacing their own menial problems. With everybody putting their entire life story on the internet in regular instalments, it's very easy to forget that you don't actually know the person whose pictures and witty comments you *like* on a daily basis. It also means that on the rare occasion you actually do meet up with your friends, you already know which anecdotes and stories they are going to tell. You find yourself in a difficult toss-up of ooh-ing and aah-ing at the tales or rudely interjecting and telling them you already read, digested, commented on, and then forgot the same information on several different mediums of social media a few days ago.

It is the honest truth that I am very much aware that finding myself in no man's land shouldn't have been so much of a surprise. All throughout my life I've been told by all adults (other than my doting parents) that "you could be so clever/successful/sociable/creative if you just tried". In later life it has come to my attention that my acute laziness has been reflected in almost all aspects of my life, like a bull in a china shop destroying everything in its path. Like I said in my last post - I am my own worst enemy. I'll try harder next time. Later. Tomorrow. Soon, I promise?

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