Observations of a "Casual Lover"

April 21, 2016
It's been a while. It's taken a large dose of whiskey and a treasure hunt through dirty clothes to find an old notepad with poured-out thoughts tattooed through the pages. I flip through and land upon a familiar set of scrawlings, written secretly in a toilet cubicle at work. I'm back.  

A large part of my relationship with my girlfriends is the ability to kid and lose ourselves to hours of chat about men who are bad for us. What do you do when the guy you thought you were so right for hasn't texted you since Christmas? Despite several subtle attempts at reintroducing yourself into his life, he is still seemingly uninterested. How could this be?

We seem to outwardly crave the men who are bad for us, the non-committal, just for sex relationships. That's all we want, right?


“Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl... Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl."


If this is true, then why have I witnessed so many drunken breakdowns from strong women, or pathetic requests to analyse all five words of a booty call message. How come I have been present at the seventh "girls night" in just as many months where we all declare ourselves to be over it? Down with love! Down with men! (but do you think he really likes me?!?) 

Sometimes we settle for "nice guys" who almost always text back and even want to be seen in public with you - yet the sex is dull and repetitive. They'll give you their favourite worn out t-shirt to keep, but they won't give you an orgasm. The feeling of security is comforting, albeit after a while you find yourself mindlessly staring at your colleagues arms as he performs varying menial tasks. In reality, the guys we actually chase are more likely to give you Chlamydia as memorabilia. 

A lot of the time I think we are skirting around the real issue - the men we like don't want us. And there's nothing more enthralling than a bucket full of unrequited love. 

"Oh, but we fucked and it was great. Everybody told me not to get attached because he's an ageing arsehole with a commitment issue, but I did. And now he has a girlfriend. What did I do wrong? Do you think I shouldn't have let him do butt stuff before we had a real date?" 

1 comment:

  1. A male response......

    Maybe in a highly disposable world, we are all dissatisfied consumers?

    We're taught to want more than we have. The upgrade, the new version, a new taste, a new flavour, something different. Consumption isn't helped by a sated appetite, is it? So more, more frequently, with different women has to be the goal.

    A man's dream come true, perhaps. Monogamy? That's a type of wood, isn't it?

    In a polygamous world, is the active male king? Well maybe, to be honest.....particularly if he is single, in a land of married friends whose response to stories of his latest adventure are a mixture of mock disgust, envy and visible drool.

    But is he a happy King or a slightly jaded monarch? Some may be in awe of his ability to obtain 'butt stuff' (what a gorgeously expressive phrase) 24 hours after having met his latest wench. But does he revel in his latest achievement?

    At first, perhaps. Then again, what if reality turns out to be strangely less satisfying (and much less convenient, because you have to get rid of the 'bitch' afterwards) than the online 'original'?

    And where does one go after 'butt stuff' exactly? If you visit Greece on Day 1, where can you go next ? (Legally)

    Ironically, of course, you more disinterested you act, the most successful.......females programmed by genetics and society to attract seem to find detachment irritatingly compelling. A wondrous discovery, at least at first. So your booty calls and emails can get ever more direct and blatant and they are still effective.....brilliant.

    Even more amusingly, you just know that a council of her most trusted advisors will try to work out the secret meaning in your latest message.

    But really, how complicated can "My place, anal, 2 hours time" be ?

    The thing is...maybe, just maybe, the love of a good woman/man, where the gratification isn't graphic and immediate, is actually the holy grail after all?

    After all, how good can sex with the bad boy still be for a girl, after she's realised that he's either interfered with her bessie mate or, bless him, done the MILF/DILF combo......and told all his mates too ?

    Just a thought.

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